i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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