Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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