I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
