Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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