Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
