so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
