Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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