dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
