Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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