Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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