My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
soo... how was my night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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