he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
