You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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