how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
