Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
