five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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