I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
