you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
