"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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