i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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