I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
