You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
