Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
