I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
