Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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