How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
