Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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