best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
