You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm like, not good at living.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
