dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
