If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
