everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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