i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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