South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
