We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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