I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
