Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
