haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
