Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
