GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
