We named our party play list daddy issues
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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