Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
