oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
