I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
