doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
