dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
