you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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