how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
