Jerry, you need to find god
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
