I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
