i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
