Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
