i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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