How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
