I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
