If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
