I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
