I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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