I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
