This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize