You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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