Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Randomize
