shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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