I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm always down for nudity.
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