Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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