I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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