What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
