seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
