I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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