I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think a kid would responsible me up
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
