Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
