He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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