I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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