thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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