literally had 100 drinks last night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
