you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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