I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
