I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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