Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
