my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
